i can't deal with it, because i don't know how.

i don't know how to deal with it.

i have no idea what to do.

so i get all this pent up pressure inside, i want to scream at them, even though it might not really be their fault. it's only because of my own inability to deal with it. i just want to hit them. first instinct. i want to make them scream for every single scream of frustration that i keep silent.

i wish their brains would explode. so wicked. such mean thoughts.

now i only have to look at a face and all these negative things, dark shadows creep across my mind, whispering things that i don't want to think about. things that were of me not so long ago. but to stay sane and to control myself.. no. i can't even deal with myself.

people have such nice friendly faces, but when you start to see a little of what lies behind the face, it can be enough to make you want to be alone, even if it drove you mad. and the worst part is that behind my own face... i am just like what scares me, and drives me away.

sometimes at night, i'm afraid.. because of the things hiding there in the shadows. i know there is nothing there. and i like the dark with my little light glowing.. but when the lights are off, i dare not hang my feet over the edge of a bed.. such old stories.. meant to scare children. why did they ever tell me? i still remember them and it impedes me a little..

i don't know why im scared when there isn't anything to be afraid of.

but i don't know how to deal with that either.