haha. more of... i have no idea what the word for it is.

memories are damn funny things. sometimes they change along with the times, sometimes they just stay still. all you remember is that moment in time and think that as time goes along, it stays the same. mistaken?

sometimes i wonder if im too well behaved. then again, it's only the way i was brought up. anyway, i don't think that im so "guai" to the point that im square. -.- but that, is a matter of opinion.

still, when i see my friends whom i grew up with change so much, and become so different from me, i can't help but wonder. it takes a little time to realize that people are all different, and they are always going to change. i think i am a little narrow minded sometimes.

yes.. and to finish off..

i sometimes feel that those who have too much time on their hands tend to think too much. be it regarding important or unimportant matters. i think i sway towards the "too much free time and think of nonsense" side.

at least.. it is relevant to my life now in a sort of way. but at least things are looking up. in retrospect, a lot of things that happened were mostly because of things i did.

----

Prodigal by Casting Crowns. (song can be found here: [link])

Living on my own, thinking for myself
Castles in the sand, temporary wealth
Walls are falling down, storms are closing in
Tears have filled my eyes, here I am again

And I've held out as long as I can
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand

Daddy, here I am again, will You take me back tonight
I went and made the world my friend and it left me high and dry
I drag Your name back through the mud
That you first found me in
Not worthy to be called Your son
Is this to be my end
Daddy, here I am
Here I am again

Curse this morning sun, drags me into one more day
Of reaping what I sown, of living with my shame
Welcome to my world, and the life that I have made
Where one day you're a prince, the next day you're a slave

-----

it once felt as if i never wanted the next day to come, but i wanted the day to end. which was impossible. still, what's been going on hasn't been that drastic. just a couple of realisations here and there. which is good. better than not thinking and running around blindly.

people around me keep telling me to think positive. my mum tells me not to be angry. they can say it, but it's not something that i can force to happen in an instant. =/

anyhow, that's just a little something to share with anyone who cares to take a look.

just updating journal. been lazy.. working on new piece and finished the millenium earl one. just. not been scanning it in. heh.

so.. yeah. i don't know why im so tired. must be all the late nights

good night.

just a review on my life.

looking back at the wishlists, the old journal entries.. the rants, the down times.. i have a lot to be thankful for. thankful for even the worst times in my life (and the bad to come.. to think about it) because well, life would be too different without them. and let's face it, a little bit of misery in our lives can be entertaining and comforting sometimes. haha. and also i as a real pig back then. come to think of it, theres a little bit of piggyness in us all isn't there? that still makes me a bit of a pig then... =/

i did manage to fulfill a wishlist, so that's a good thing.

as much as i am not too sure about it, i do think that my art is slowly getting better. ive also come to the realization that i should be happy with my art in whatever *stage* it is in. if it's a childish stage, then let it be. why not? after all, when i get older, i don't want to regret and say it was something i never got to try out even though i wanted to.

i suppose i could say that looking back, life has been going up and down just as it should, and maybe right now im feeling pretty content. who knows.. tomorrow maybe something will happen that will make me really pissed off? i don't care about all that. i don't have to know and i don't want to.

so..art wise i am working on something at the moment. lately ive realized that im starting to prefer drawing bigger things on bigger paper. im no longer really satisfied with small doodles. same goes for crafts. sort of anyway.

just to put a new journal on the front page..

also to let you all know that im still alive. well.. just been forgetting bits of life.

i just cleaned up my bed and found some money in several different currencies.. british pound sterling, brunei dollar, new zealand dollar, and some US dollar as well as some singapore dollar. that's a lot. that's what i get for not cleaning up my bed for ages. (cos my bed is next to the wall so i just throw lots of my stuff there and sometimes it gets forgotten)

now my bed and table and bag are cleaner and slightly more dust free, i feel a little accomplished. especially since ive found various important things (besides the money) like the camera battery charger, the camera and the card reader. i am part slob, part neat freak. sheesh.

been doing crafts more so than drawings.. but am recently inspired by d. gray-man for this drawing i am working on now.

er.. i need to try and be more hardworking in an arty way.. seriously. also since i have a newish scanner/printer thing.. gotta get cracking!